i permit you to call me
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
Let's paint friendship bongs
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Randomize