If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
