Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Randomize
