don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
Randomize
