After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
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