hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Randomize
