he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
Randomize
