her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
Randomize
