1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
