I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
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