Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
