I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
why does every cop we meet know your name?
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
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