I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
