she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize
