The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
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