I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
