Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
