It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
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