giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
You need Xanax blowdarts
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
Randomize
