I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
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