THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
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