He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
