Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
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