if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
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