She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
