They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
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