I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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