so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
