im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
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