her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Randomize
