im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
