Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
if only i could text you this smell
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
