its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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