In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
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