She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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