people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Randomize
