Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
