The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
so much tequila, so little girl.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
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