can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
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