I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
