youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
Of course I have a pirate flag
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
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