The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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