can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
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