Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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