If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
