i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
literally had 100 drinks last night.
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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