I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
if i died would you start the facebook group?
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
Randomize
