he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Randomize
