at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
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