she woke up with a sticky ear
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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