He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
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