your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize