i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Randomize
