I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
But break dance skills will only take you so far
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
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