He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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