i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
