Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Randomize
