It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
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