i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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