There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
