i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
