Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
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