"it" just moved
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
Im just a social blackout drinker.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
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