So many bounce houses so little time
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
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