I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
she told me i tasted like america
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Randomize
