from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
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