After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
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