i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
Randomize
