Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
