Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
Randomize
