well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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